Woman Discovers Husband’s Affair and Daughter’s Role in Hiding It, Leading to a Heated Yet Healing Confrontation After Years of Resentment

Author image for Shelly Pearl
Shelly Pearl
Nov 24, 2024 8:00 PM EST

Mothers and daughters are said an unbreakable bond, but some are put to the test more than others, especially when betrayal and complex family dynamics come into play. This is exactly what happened to one woman when she discovered that her husband had been having an affair for two years. Not only did she face the heartbreak of her husband's infidelity, but she also learned that her daughter had been complicit in keeping the secret.

How do you forgive your daughter for harboring such a betrayal? Well, this mother daughter relationship still has hope, because from great pain comes rebirth and they both have begun to come to terms with their mistakes. While the past cannot be undone, now may be as good a time as any to make amends. After a furious eruption of emotions, it's time to heal, as they lay everything out in the open to take the right steps toward mending their bond.

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  • 01
    r/relationship_advice ThrowRAlizinabliz How do I (49f) move forward after my daughter (22F) hid her father's affair from me for two years?
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 02
    I (49F) was married to my ex-husband, Derek (49M), for 20 years before divorcing a few months ago. We have two kids, a daughter (22F) and a son (17M). I found out Derek was having a
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 03
    two-year affair, and my world was shattered. But what hurt almost as much was discovering that my daughter had known about it the whole time. She actively hid it from me for two years- lied, covered for him, and never once tried to warn me.
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 04
    When I found out, I was devastated, not just by my husband's betrayal, but by my daughter's choice to keep it from me. She was young at the time, and I understand it was a difficult position for her, but the pain was immense. I never
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 05
    confronted her directly, thinking it might affect her as she was about to go off to college. I just told her I knew, that I understood, and tried to move on. But after she left, I found myself distancing myself from her more and more. It
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 06
    wasn't planned; I just needed space to heal, and that meant not calling her as often or reaching out as much. Fast-forward a year and a half, and I've
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 07
    started dating someone (41M) who has a 10-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. Recently, we all went to Disney together, and he posted a family photo of us on social media. For Context, my boyfriend covered all the
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 08
    expenses as a gift for his daughter's birthday, wanting to make it special for her. Along with my son and me, she chose her two cousins to come along, making it a big family-style trip that was all about her. My daughter must have seen it because she didn't call me for
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 09
    over a month afterward, and honestly, I wasn't as affected by her absence as I would've been before. I still love her, but every interaction brings up that pain. Out of nowhere, she called me in tears.
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 10
    She was screaming, saying I obviously hadn't forgiven her and that I'd shut her out on purpose. She accused me of "replacing her" with my boyfriend and his daughter. She kept saying, "It was a long time ago, I was a kid, I didn't mean to hurt you!" She said she thought she
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 11
    was doing the right thing by staying quiet, that she didn't know how to tell me, and that she was terrified of breaking our family apart. She asked me if I'd ever forgive her or if I'd "moved on" for good. I tried to tell her that I loved her and never wanted to replace
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 12
    her, but she just kept pushing that I should "get over it by now" and that I'd abandoned her for this new life. To top it off, my ex-husband later called me, furious, accusing me of "leaving" my daughter for a "younger man and a new
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 13
    family." He even had the nerve to call me selfish for "moving on." (Ironically, his girlfriend is 30, and he's the one who blew up our family with his affair.) It's like no one understands that I'm still trying to recover from years of betrayal, and it feels like I'm expected to just let it go, as if my pain doesn't matter.
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 14
    My son, who lives with me, found out about his sister hiding the affair after overhearing my husband's mom and sister talking. He was crushed and hasn't forgiven her either, and they've barely spoken since. I never wanted him to know, but it feels like the entire family is divided now, and I don't know how to fix it.
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 15
    I'm in therapy, but I still feel lost. Part of me knows she was young and didn't know how to handle it, but another part of me feels like she chose him over me. I love my daughter, but every time we talk, that hurt resurfaces. I don't know if I'm failing as a mother or if I'm protecting myself. I feel like I've emotionally checked out, and I don't know how to reconnect.
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 16
    Edit: Just to clarify, my divorce actually happened a few months ago, not three years ago as I originally mentioned. My sister, who is a bit of a scatterbrain, encouraged me to post here and typed out much of it for me. In the process, she got the timeline wrong, and I didn't catch it before posting. My daughter
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 17
    was 17 when she found out about the affair. She had a lot going on at the time, including having to change schools due to some personal issues and repeating a year. So, when I found out, it was less than two years ago. I hope this clears up the confusion.
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 18
    Update: r/relationship_advice ThrowRAlizinabliz First, I want to thank everyone who responded to my post. I was honestly overwhelmed by the sheer number of replies. I tried my best to read through as many as I could, and some of the advice was hard to hear, but necessary.
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 19
    It's been a lot to take in, but one comment really stayed with me. Someone mentioned how fragile life is
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 20
    and how little time we really have with the people we love. That struck me deeply. I've been so consumed by pain and anger that I forgot to think about
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 21
    what I'd want my relationship with my daughter to look like in the long run. If something were to happen tomorrow, would I be okay with leaving things as they are?
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 22
    We talked about what had happened, and I finally asked her for the truth about everything. When I first discovered her father's affair, he told me
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 23
    that she had always known about it. In fact, he claimed she had been his ally, hiding things from me multiple times. He even said that she disliked me and was on his side. Hearing that from him
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 24
    was devastating. I couldn't believe my daughter would do something like that or feel that way about me. The way I found out about the affair was awful, and the idea that my daughter had
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 25
    played any part in it, even unknowingly, made it so much worse. At first, she was very reluctant to talk about it, but eventually, she opened up and started sharing everything,
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 26
    including what led up to her actions. Knowing her father pressured her to keep his secret makes my anger toward him even stronger.
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 27
    We agreed to take things one step at a time. I suggested we try online therapy together, and while she was hesitant at first, she agreed. She's already been seeing a therapist on her own and wasn't sure about opening up in a joint session, but I think she ultimately realized how much I want to make this work.
    via u/ThrowRAlizinabliz
  • 28
    Mr_Whoever , your ex-husband is a villain. But yeah, one day at a time, therapy, all that stuff. The pain doesn't go away, but it does get duller. Here's hoping everything works out for you. > Reply 880
    via u/Mr_Wh0ever
  • 29
    Back_In_St_Olaf_ I'm glad that you and your daughter are trying therapy together. But I would like to suggest that the focus should not only be repairing your relationship with each other, but also to encourage her to set boundaries with her father.
    via u/Back_In_St_Olaf_
  • 30
    Thylunaprincess To everyone saying "she was vindictive, she knew what she was doing, she was old enough to understand” her father was literally manipulating saying SHE would be the cause of the heart break her mother experiencing if SHE tells her mom. She is a child regardless of the legality. You don't magically become a fully mature adult.
    via u/Thylunaprincess

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your mom affairs mother affair motherhood moms relationships girls cheating love daughter
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